


Track 10: Milk and Cookies

by talisha_jaynee



Series: The Shameless Cry Baby Storybook [10]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Murder, Songfic, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4822916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talisha_jaynee/pseuds/talisha_jaynee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HOW TO KILL YOUR KIDNAPPER<br/>What you will need: 1 cup butter, softened, 1 cup white sugar, 1 cup packed brown sugar, 2 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, 3 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 2 teaspoons hot water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips, 1 cup chopped walnuts, as many cleaning products you can get your hands on.</p><p>Songfic to Milk and Cookies - Melanie Martinez</p>
            </blockquote>





	Track 10: Milk and Cookies

**HOW TO KILL YOUR KIDNAPPER**

What you will need: 1 cup butter, softened, 1 cup white sugar, 1 cup packed brown sugar, 2 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, 3 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 2 teaspoons hot water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips, 1 cup chopped walnuts, as many cleaning products you can get your hands on.

Step 1: Allow your kidnapper to use you in whatever way he wishes to make the whole experience hurt less. If you comply, you won't be bruised as much and you will be able to sit down the next day.

Step 2: Show that you care for your kidnapper. Shower him with compliments. "Oh I love it when you..." "Your hair looks so nice like that." "Thank you for loving a cry baby like me."

Step 3: Ask for small things to gain trust. Things like another glass of water, or another piece of bread is a good way to start. After he agrees with these little things ask for some bigger things like maybe a shower, or a food that you haven't been fed yet. Don't rush into it too quickly. Allow it to come naturally, a week or two should be long enough.

Step 3a: If you're having trouble getting him to agree with the larger items, make him feel like your asking to help him. "Can I please have a shower so I can smell all nice and pretty for you?" "If you let me eat that food I promise you'll I'll taste better just for you."

Step 4: Now that you've gained his trust in asking for things, ask for the big thing. But always make it sound like your doing it for him. Something along the lines of "I wanna bake you some cookies, I love baking for you and making you happy. I wanna make you happy." If that doesn't work, work on step 3 again and try this step in a few days time.

Step 5: After he allows you to begin cooking for him, he will probably supervise you. He still doesn't trust you completely. And that's okay. When he's watching you, don't make a show of it. It will only want to make him watch more. Instead make it seem like the most boring thing ever. And if he asks if you're having fun reply with "of course, I'm just concentrating so hard on making these cookies perfect for you." And make them perfectly. Okay, not too crunchy, the chocolate chips melted a bit and say that you put lots of love in as well.

Step 6: After you've completed step 5 a few times, he will start to leave you alone for extended periods of time. This is the time to pounce. Use the small gaps that you get to find out where he leaves the cleaning products and make a note of it.  But do not use them yet. This is very important. You must make him trust you 100% or else he might ask you to try a cookie first and that would not end well would it?

Step 7: Now he trusts you completely. He will leave you alone for the whole baking time. This is your time now. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F

Step 8: Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one a time, then stir in the vanilla. 

Step 9: Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add to batter along with salt. 

Step 10: Stir in flour, chocolate chips, all the cleaning products you could find inside the house and nuts. Drop large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans.

Step 11:  Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are nicely browned. 

Step 12: Serve them to your kidnapper with a glass of milk. 

Step 13: Watch your kidnapper die. 

Step 14: Leave that hellhole.  

**Author's Note:**

> the recipe is here: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/10813/best-chocolate-chip-cookies/ just minus the poison  
> tumblr: gettingwastedonbutterbeer.tumblr.com  
> song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsuGkIgatyE


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